I seem to be in a new phase in my life. Or maybe I am in the same phase I was in a few years ago before I fell into period of low energy. It looks like I am on the cusp of something new, or maybe it is just a brand new illusion. Life is an illusion. It gives us hope, it takes away hope, it moves us to top and brings us to bottom. I am not quite sure what is happening right now, but it is a lot better than the past couple of years. I was depressed about a lot of things, but now hope and energy is flowing through me. Not everything is great though. Earlier, I used to be the King of the world on Mondays, a hopeless beggar on Tuesdays, a radiant sun on Wednesdays, the filth at the bottom of a worn-out boot on Thursdays, but now I am going through these mood swings on a single day. I am a giant to walk among men by Morning, a bit suicidal by noon, and back to my royal self by evening. I am not quite sure what is happening. Overall I seem to be battling my demons and winning, but they do come back and deliver nasty blows when I think of rejoicing my victories.
The World seems to be calling me back. “Hello, there! We could have so much fun! Why don’t you step right in? 🙂 🙂 🙂 ”
“But dear World, I know you and your tricks. You seduce me in, and right when I think I am stepping into a garden of roses, the green grass gives way to a deep chasm of darkness.”
“Hmmmm. That sounds like an accurate description,” mutters the World. “But tell me then, boy. Why are you falling for it?”
“I am not falling for it.”
“Really?” says the World with a hint of menace. “Then why do you go down when you’re supposed to be up?”
“That is a good question,” I say, suddenly brooding at the truth in World’s words.
“I know that”, says the World gleefully. “I always ask the right questions.”
“Don’t you want to rule me?” asks the World innocently. “Think about it! You can be a King and tower over the rest. This is your time!”
“Well…,” I say thoughtfully. “All that sounds nice and fine. I would love that. But…”
“But, you are laying a trap for me, aren’t you?” I ask.
The glee disappears from World’s face. “No, I am not. Just think about all the happiness that you can have. Don’t you want that?”
“Then take my hand, come right in.”
I stand my ground.
“You need to take a decision now, my boy,” says the World impatiently. “Look at all that I have to offer. I can give you the greatness that you long for, vast riches, fame, love, and much more. There is nothing that I don’t have and you know it.”
“Yes, I am aware. I know what you are capable of.”
“Then what are you waiting for?” says the World impatiently.
“I don’t want to be part of this rat race,” I say.
“What if I give you something you want so badly?”
“Give it and I will see.”
“But what else are you going to do if you don’t want to be a part of me?” says the World.
“I don’t know,” I admit.
“You stand between what you want and the imaginary and think that somehow, magically, you will be happy,” smirks the World. “Am I wrong, little boy?”
“No,” comes out my voice feebly.
“Then come and take what you want.”
“You make it sound so easy,” I say. “I know for a fact that things are not easy.”
“You’re right. Life is not easy, life is unfair, I admit,” says the World. “But what else is there to do?”
“I don’t want pain.”
“You will find it even if you don’t take any action,” says the World. “I mean, aren’t you already experiencing some of it?”
The World is right. Unhappiness is banging at my gates and I am using all my energy to keep it out. I am strong right now and so I am able to fight with all my might, but I do know that one small little dent could take me down badly.
“What do you want of me?” I ask, exasperated.
What is it that I should do to get out of this madness?